Today is the day we say goodbye to my mom. She was an amazing woman.  She taught middle school English, and was a light to those around her.  As I stand at the graveside, surrounded by family, my thoughts turn to the grandchildren and great-grandchildren who will be joining us to bid their farewells. Their young hearts are grappling with the weight of loss, and it’s their journey through grief that inspired this blog. Here are some strategies to support children in grief:

Children need to feel safe to express their feelings. Encourage open communication and let them know it’s okay to talk about their emotions. Assure them that their feelings are normal and that it’s okay to cry, be angry, feel sad, or even to be happy.  
Just like adults children can experience emotions all over the board, and it is normal.  Be there for them, and ready to talk when they are ready to talk.  

When explaining death and loss, use clear and age-appropriate language. Avoid euphemisms that can confuse children. For example, say “died” instead of “passed away” to help them understand the permanence of the situation.  
Imagine the fear of being told that "Grandma went to sleep".  Would you want to take a nap, or go to be after that?  Keep in mind that kids have a very pure way of looking at things when you explain things to them.

Children may have many questions about death. Answer their questions honestly and simply, without overwhelming them with too much information. If you don’t know the answer to a question, it’s okay to say so and to explore the answer together.
There are a lot of books around grief for children.  Reading together is a great way to give children an opportunity to ask questions.  Don't be suppressed or get upset.

Keeping regular routines can provide a sense of stability and security during a time of loss. While it’s important to allow time for grieving, maintaining daily activities can help children feel more secure and provide a sense of normalcy.  But remember that including them in age appropriate family gatherings or activities can help them with their grief, as much as it helps you.
Imagine if you went to your aunts house and had a great time.  Then you never see her again.  This happened to me.  MY parents did not know how to talk about grief to me, and so I grew up thinking my aunt did not love me anymore when in reality she had died in her sleep that night.  Had I been allowed to attend the funeral, I would have known my aunt still loved me, and that she had died. 

Children often express their feelings through play, drawing, or writing. Provide them with materials and opportunities to express their emotions creatively. Activities like drawing pictures, writing letters, or playing can help them process their grief.
When I had a baby born without breath I told my other children about their sister.  I explained that she is up with Heavenly Father.  I am not sure how it started, maybe one of the kids let go of a balloon and got upset, So I told them the balloon went to their sister.  All I know is that when I got the kids balloons they had to get one for Christiana, then when outside they would let go of the balloon for their sister.  Sometimes it can be the little things.

Grieving is a process that takes time, and every child’s experience is different. Be patient and understanding, and avoid rushing them through their emotions. Let them grieve at their own pace and offer consistent support.
How would you feel if you where told that you had 1 week to grief, and after that you are done.  That is not how grief works.  Take it from me, it can sneak up on you years later from out of the blue, and you find yourself crying over a song.
If the grief seems to be to deep, or you have concern about it then please seek out a counselor, therapist or support group.

Children learn by observing adults. Show them healthy ways to grieve by expressing your own emotions openly and talking about your feelings. This can help normalize the grieving process and show them that it’s okay to feel a range of emotions.

Children may worry about their own safety or the safety of other loved ones after a death. Reassure them that they are safe and that their feelings are valid. Provide comfort and let them know that it’s normal to have fears and concerns.
The child may not want you to leave the the room, or they may not want to go to bed because they are concerned they will not wake up, or you may not come back.  Give them time, and encouragement but keep from telling them something that is not true such as you will not die.  Just remember to be honest with them.

If a child’s grief seems overwhelming or prolonged, consider seeking help from a counselor or therapist who specializes in child grief. Professional support can provide additional resources and strategies to help children cope with their loss. 

Finding ways to remember and celebrate the loved one who has died can be a healing process for children. Encourage them to share memories, create a memory box, or participate in rituals that honor the person’s life. This can provide a sense of continuity and connection.

Supporting a grieving child requires empathy, patience, and open communication. By creating a safe environment, using clear language, and encouraging healthy expressions of grief, you can help children navigate their emotions and begin to heal. Remember that every child grieves differently, and ongoing support is key to helping them through this challenging time. If you need additional resources or guidance, don’t hesitate to seek professional support.

The Power of Evidence-Based Parenting: A Guide to Raising Happy and Healthy Children.  In the vast world of parenting advice, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the sheer volume of tips, tricks, and strategies available. From well-meaning relatives to popular blogs and social media influencers, everyone seems to have their own take on the best way to raise children. But how do you know which advice to follow? Enter evidence-based parenting—a scientifically backed approach to raising children that’s rooted in rigorous research and proven practices.
What is Evidence-Based Parenting? Evidence-based parenting involves using strategies and techniques that have been scientifically tested and proven to be effective. Unlike anecdotal advice or traditional practices that may not always work, evidence-based parenting relies on empirical evidence from studies in child development, psychology, and education. This approach ensures that the methods you use to raise your children are supported by data and research.

Why Choose Evidence-Based Parenting?
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1. Reliability: Evidence-based practices are backed by extensive research, often involving large, diverse groups of children and families. This means you can trust that the strategies are effective across different settings and populations.
2. Effectiveness: These practices have been tested and shown to work in real-life scenarios, ensuring that you are using the most effective methods to support your child’s development and well-being.
3. Adaptability: While evidence-based strategies are grounded in research, they are also flexible and can be adapted to fit your unique family dynamics and cultural context.
4. Continuous Improvement: The field of child development is always evolving, and evidence-based practices are regularly updated to reflect the latest research findings. This means you are always using the most current and effective methods.

​How to Implement Evidence-Based Parenting
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1. Stay Informed: Keep up with the latest research in child development and parenting. Look for reputable sources, such as academic journals, books by experts, and credible websites.
2. Seek Professional Guidance: Don’t hesitate to consult with child psychologists, pediatricians, or parenting coaches who use evidence-based approaches. They can provide personalized advice and support.
3. Join Parenting Programs: Participate in evidence-based parenting programs like Triple P or PCIT. These programs offer structured guidance and practical tools to help you implement effective parenting strategies.
4. Reflect and Adapt: Regularly reflect on your parenting practices and their effectiveness. Be open to adapting and refining your strategies based on what works best for your child and family.

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​Conclusion
 
​Evidence-based parenting offers a reliable and effective approach to raising children. By relying on scientifically validated methods, you can navigate the complexities of parenting with confidence, knowing that you are providing the best possible support for your child’s growth and development. Embrace the power of evidence-based parenting and watch your children thrive in a nurturing and supportive environment.

When I was 21 years old my mom passed from cancer.  Over the years I lost other family and friends to cancer.  In todays world there is not one person that has not lost someone to cancer.  We can all agree that cancer sucks.
In June of 2023 I lost two family members to cancer which reinforced my belief that cancer sucks.  Then in July of 2023 I found out that my sister has breast cancer (the pink in the ribbon).  A week later I found out that I have fallopian tube cancer (the turquoise in the ribbon).  Now I know that cancer sucks, and does not play fair.
I have multiple friends that are fighting cancer, different types at different stages.  We are all supporting each other in our treatments, and our fight.

How People have asked me what symptoms did I have.  I wish I could say that I recognized all the symptoms for what they were, but I did not.  In fact I thought that the symptoms where just my body getting older.  I was blessed with a Dr. that knew the symptoms, and she knew what to do.   I can see multiple blessings along the way.  
I thought I was leaking urine because my bladder was beat up by my multiple pregnancies, I mean we all hear the stories of women getting older and having a leaky bladder.  I did not say anything to the Dr.  It was not until I had a period.  You see I was postmenopausal, and when you are postmenopausal you do not have any bleeding. 
I asked my Dr. for another hormonal test because I think it was wrong.  Her eyes got huge when I told her that I was bleeding.  She ordered an ultrasound, and in just over a week I had the results back.  There was a mass in my uterus and cervix, and there were a couple of nodules on my ovary (I had my other ovary taken out years ago because it was a cyst). 
It was a Friday, and my Dr. sent a referral over to a GYN (female Dr.).  I had a phone call by noon, and had my appointment on the following Monday for a GYN Oncologist.  I felt numb.  How could it be cancer.  It seemed that since my mom passed from cancer I just knew that I would get cancer.  I did all the "tests" and it did not show up. 
At my appointment on Monday the Dr.  took a biopsy.  That biopsy came back as a "carcinomasarcoma"  a really bad cancer.  It is hard to fight, and spreads quickly.   I had no idea what to feel or  how to act.  "I had cancer".... "I HAVE cancer"  What does that mean?  What is going to happen?  Hasn't our family been through enough with my husbands rare mitochondrial disease, and me with my heart failure in 2019/2020?  How could this be happening?  These and many more questions went through my brain.
My rattail hysterectomy was scheduled for August 11.  The Dr.  took everything, cervix, uterus, ovary and fallopian tubes.  Everything was sent off to pathology.  After the surgery the Dr. came in and told me that I also had overran cancer. How in the world could I be fighting two cancers? But we where in for a surprise.  

When the pathology report came back, and had a surprise in it.  It turns out that there is only carcinoma.  It seems that all of the sarcoma was cut out for the first biopsy.  What a blessing, all I have left is the easy stuff to fight.  Then the Dr. told me that I have fallopian tube cancer that spread to the ovary, uterus, and cervix, but did not leave the abdomen.  What a huge blessing, they caught it at stage 2A.  They also think they got it all out in the surgery, but we could do Chemotherapy just to make sure.  I have done one session, and have five more to go.  They are 21 days apart.  
Oh, remember when I said I had a leaky bladder, well after the surgery I have not had any "leakage".  Turns out that this also was a symptom. 
So, it you have something in your body that does not seem right, that is out or "your normal" go get it tested.  Had I not said something about the bleeding how long would it have taken for them to find the cancer?  
Oh, and my sister has had her surgery, and it undergoing radiation therapy.  

How to Provide Comfort to Those Going Through Tough Times

When life hands you a tough situation, you may need to lean on other people for comfort. But what if you're the person that needs to provide the shoulder? It can be a difficult job since you need to be the one that stays strong for the other person.

How you provide comfort will vary depending on who you're comforting and what they've gone through. However, there are universal tips to keep in mind when you're consoling someone. 

Here are some strategies that can help you provide much-needed comfort to others:

• Uplift them- When someone approaches you for comfort, chances are that they're not asking you for your advice. More likely, they just need someone to be there for their emotional needs. Avoid trying to solve their problems unless you're asked for advice. In that case, you're free to provide any advice that you have.
• Listen well - It's always a good idea to develop your listening skills. A part of being a good listener is truly striving to understand what the other person is saying. Remember that you can provide a certain degree of comfort just by lending an open ear to the person suffering.
• Offer unconditional help - Sometimes it's comforting just to know that the other person is there. Tell the person that's suffering that they can discuss their problems with you any time they need a lift to help them get through. 
• Give a hug- It'll certainly vary depending on the relationship that you have with the person you're comforting, but you can provide physical comfort with a hug. Hugs simply make people feel better! The human touch can melt the soul and warm them with comfort.
• Be understanding- You might not know what it's like to go through the tough time that you're helping with, but that doesn't mean that you can't strive to understand. Do your best to try and understand where this person is coming from.

Understanding Grief

If the person you're helping is dealing with loss, you'll also be helping them with their grief. Grief is a natural emotion to go through when you find yourself facing a traumatic loss. If you gain a better understanding of grief, you may be able to assist with comfort in a helpful manner.

Grief looks different to everyone, and can be molded by their culture.  One that that holds true across all cultures of grief is compassion and comfort are appreciated.  You do not have to say something to fix it.  When talking to a group of widows the common comment was that they wished people would just be there, holding the space, and not trying to fix anything.  

Grief has no timeline, and just when you think you are done, it comes back again.  So being there for someone not just the week or two after the loss, but being there off and on for the long term is helpful.  I remember the first valentines day after my husband passed. Bill passed in August and I had made it through Thanksgiving and Christmas so I thought I was doing good.  Then came valentines day and I had a total meltdown in the store looking at the holiday display.  We find that songs, places, and events can be big landmines for those of us that have experienced grief.

Depression and Anxiety
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Depression and anxiety can be difficult to help with since the person tends to lose interest, or be anxious about in the world around them. You and your shoulder to cry on can make a difference. Be there for them and let them know that you care.  You can offer to hold their hand as they step out of the darkness.  Be careful not to push, as this can lead to them refusing to move.  Instead let them know that you are there, and that you are ready when they are to take a stop.  Listen to them and don't try to fix things.  If they say that they want to hurt themselves or others then you can encourage them to reach out to professionals, and if they do not then you should reach out to professionals. 

When someone you know is going through a rough time, use these tips to guide you in consoling your loved one. The comfort you bring them may be the one thing that helps them make it through to better days.